Hey guys!!! So, I thought I'd give a quick journal update.

Well, I can honestly say, these past few weeks have not been easy. I've had a lot of crap happen. A lot of family stress, my parents are stressed and tired, I'm tired, I swear, I'm getting teary eyed making this journal just for remembering what all's been happening. God its been so hard. Hard enough that ... I thought it was over. Everyone around me was giving up, my parents, family... ...me. Theres a ton of crap that I am not mentioning on here for personal reasons, but...

Its all been rough, physically, emotionally, mentally....you know its a horrible Horrible feeling to see your home be jeopardized, to see your family fall apart on the inside out as the pain and exaustion finally start to take over after all the long years of fighting. You wait for the finish of everything, wait for it all to end happily, and eventually..after so long, you no longer care about whether or not it ends good, just as long as it ends.... can you keep fighting? can you keep going on in the dark?

I watch my parents struggle, stress, silently cry and never get answers. I swear I just wanted to punch the living crap out of the closest thing...(the wall,I cant do anything about it. I end up spazzing out and almost having another panick attack, I get sick, and weak. I cant help in the ways that are needed. I feel broken up inside, sick, and cold. And I wonder why, such good honest people suffer so much and why I have to watch. I dont understand it at all. I pray and believe, and have faith, and cling to the one being who is above all. I cling to Him, to God all Mighty and wait. My parents and family so the same. Even in the quiet you can hear us all scream for Him to come to us.

... ... ...
.....

and then something happens. I have waited so long for a moment of peace, a moment of solitude, a moment of 'everything is okay.' And out of nowhere, a blessing takes place, and so much of all this agony is taken away. For once, there is a little bit of silence. There is still a bunch of crap going on, but for once, in a long long while, we were delivered. .....

and out of nowhere, someone special came into my life. A person I've known for a while, and always enjoyed being his friend. I am dating again, I have a boyfriend. I've never seen anyone like him either. We share almost everything identically, we have so much in common. He's so much fun to be with, I trust him and am comfortable with him. Its been a long time since I felt like that. I dont think the things he's sais are lies, I dont feel like he's looking past me at someone else, I feel like its me and him and thats it. He looks at me, he's with me.
He's an unbelievable gentleman, so kind and caring...not to mention has a cool truck.
And whats amazing is, I feel like I could turn to him for anything already. I feel like he really cares about Me. He came to me when I really needed someone, and it just gets bigger and better. Even my mommy said she could tell a difference in me, maybe I look like I am happier. I do know I am more calm about things. I think about him, and then I chill out.

I hope nothing ever happens between us. But if something ever does, I hope we never lose each other as friends. He is a wonderful person.
Now if I can just get him back into horse riding, lol, I'll have a riding partner, ow sweet.


....I will get through the crap the world throws at me, my family will too. This world cant break us down, we may fall, but we'll get back up. I'm sorry Satan, but you Wont Win. I will. We will.
...



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I'm a Super-Obssessed fan of
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...please bring it Back!