Well, I haven't made a very recent journal in a while, so I figured I would update everybody

Life in general, is pretty stressful right now. There are so many demands and too much tension in the strings that keep things together. My biggest threat is finances. I swear, I hate this shity recetion we are in. I dont come from a great family income, we are average. I can look at my home and materialisics and can say, my family has provided me with the best. But it is such a shame when your father has 2 jobs and your mother has 5 jobs and works 6 days a week and I have a job and lend out paychecks, and regardless of what we do, we are always barely above drowning. Its sad and completely ridiculous. All this has done is put more and more strain on my family for years and now recent months are taking there toll. Thank God we are religous and have strong faith, I dont know what we'd do if we didn't have something to cling to. But we are all mentally and physically beat, and my family has got to a break!!!! I cant stand to see my family stressed all the time. We still go and live and enjoy each other, I mean we are not broke, its just what ever we can get goes to bills and then we are left.

Thank god too, I got a lot of scholarship money for college. I cant afford to live on campus, so again, thank god my college is less than an hour from home. I'll drive and get to stay with my family and horses.

My senior year is about to kill me though. I do NOT understand why, just becuase we are seniors, they have to go throw every kind of payment and balance and debt and mandatory crap up on us. Between Cap and Gown, KGI cards/invetations, Graduation fees not to mention club fees, year books, pictures, prom, and school finacnes, I am looking at a burned out pocket and still havent gotten it all paid for. Oh wait, I also have to get 400$ to 'finish' paying for a New York trip that I have to go on with my Law Class. School costs too much, we already pay taxes what more do they want??!?!?!?!?!

Oh and then I am having a horrendous time in Algebra 2 I think I have a D...D, I am NOT A D STUDENT!!!!!!!!!With the excepion of Spanish2, I could have straight A's but oohhh nnoooo, not with that bloody algebra 2. I dont get the crap we're doing, Complex Fractions with multiplicaton and division and binomials and trinomials and giving this that because that doesn;t need this becuase it has this and give that to that becuase you cant have three x's when it already squared .... ... and forget about trying to find the 'no solutions' it takes to long to not even get an answer........... ..... .... ... ......

Well, anywho, enough about that crap. My next rant is that I can NOT SEEM TO DRAW ANYTHING... I dont get it. I want to draw and paint so bad, and after I finally find an opening in my timed life, I cant do anything.... I tried last night and just drew a blank and, I have 2 commissions to do too....... I dont like it, I cant stand having an artist block, its depressing.


I am having horse issues too, I hav ridden 3 times in 5 weeks which was since my being bucked and thrown off again, and only once was on my horse. This time of the year makes him a little crazy becuase he's a race horse, quarter horse not thoroughbred, and he doesn't get out everyday and he can be a handful sometimes with all that energy. I love him to death but I aint going to ride when he's like that. So, its kinda a heartbreak becuase I do miss me and him working together and doing so good.

With the exception of all this, I am still sane and alive, I have to keep telling myself we are all human and crap is going to happen. I just want a break though, even if it is a short lived day or two, just a moment where my family and I can be relaxed and cool fr a while and do something and enjoy something. That would be great.

I hope I havent made anyone think I am on the verge of going nuts, I just have to rant and rave sometimes, and I know I have wonderful friends on here who will listen and be there for me, becuase many of you have already done that. I just needed to get some of this crap off my shoulders.

"When life gives you lemons, make Lemonade...... ... hopefully you'll have some sugar to add."

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